was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
