Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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