actually, I'm a sock model
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
