put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
