When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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