did you get engaged???
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize