Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
