Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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