I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
