She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My life is pants optional.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
