adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize