FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
