I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I cut my penus on the lid.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
