Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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