Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
