Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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