I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
