There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
