Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Floor bacon is actually really good
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
