508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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