We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
