Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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