just tell him i said nine months
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
