I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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