some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
