I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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