All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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