just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
