hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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