sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
