glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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