I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
