I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
