Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
