I want to have your abortion
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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