ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize