He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
