i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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