So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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