I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
