I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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