Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
