HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so much tequila, so little girl.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
