I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
