i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she looked like the before picture.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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