At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
