I intend to get homeless drunk
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need moral support for this bender
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
