believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
