"it" just moved
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize