Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
