but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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