He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize