if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So squirting runs in the family.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
