Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
