you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
