Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
