You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
