so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
