During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize