Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
