obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
