omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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