i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
