We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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