im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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